In this episode, I will teach you the most potent and joyful practice I know to speed your path to love. If you care about intimacy, this practice can change your life—don’t miss it!
I call this practice “The Inner Mentor Process™ ”—and somehow it bypasses the inner critical voice and connects you to a stream of wisdom that matches anything the greatest dating experts could ever teach you—myself included!
In this episode, I’ll guide you in this process and teach you how you can make it part of your life. Download it and you can use it every day. Get ready for a new adventure in intimacy, wisdom, and healing. You’ll thank yourself for listening.
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The "Inner Mentor" Process™
So if you're someone who cares deeply about your personal growth and your capacity for intimacy and good healthy relationships, and I'm sure you do because you're listening to this podcast, I think you will love this process.
And I'm very, very excited to share it with you, it's just one of the most wonderful practices that I know. I call this the Inner Mentor Process™, because what you're going to be doing is connecting with an inner mentor. Your inner mentor. A voice and a self inside of you that is filled with wisdom and compassion, and sees the bigger and broader picture and guides you. And for creating what's called Characterological Change, which is change that's like from the bones from the structure of our being, the places where we're hard wired. It's just one of the most powerful processes I know.
How this process came about for me
I'm going to share with you how this process came about for me. Many years ago when I was in my early thirties, I was given a project which was, for me at that time very, very big and exciting, and very demanding. I got to create a conference at Columbia University on anything I wanted, and what I decided to do it on was integrating ’spirituality into psychotherapy with the LGBT community. And I was given carte blanche to create this however I wanted. And I was thrilled and I was terrified.
I created an exercise that I thought would help me
So, I created an exercise that I thought would help me. And what I did was, I pictured a me that could handle a project like that. Kind of the me that I dreamed of being, that I didn't really feel like at that time. And I became that person and I gave myself guidance from that place. And I will never forget that experience and the guidance I got.
And the amazingness of experiencing this me that just kind of came as a revelation, and I knew that it was the me that I am meant to be.
And I did this conference, and it went wonderfully, and what's amazing is for 30 something years after I created that process, I never did it again. Because the power and the beauty of that person that I became was, for many reasons, something I felt like I didn't deserve. So I avoided it completely for really three decades, because I felt unworthy of it. And then given a lot of shifts in my life, I finally decided to come back to that being, even though it was scary and intimidating, and I did.
And what I realized is that I did not have to be afraid of this process. Because the me that I had conjured up, who guided me, was very kind and very full of love. And was able to see me with a kind of grace and gentleness that I was, and still am, unable to see myself with, in so many ways.
How this process bypasses the inner critical voice
It's like cheating at a maze. And I don't know if you've ever cheated in a maze. This is an image that I use. But if you've ever done a maze, you know that you kind of start at the outside and you take your pencil and you try to work your way in, and you hit a million different baffles, and you go in the wrong direction, and then you have to come back out and go again in a different direction. You have to keep doing that. And it's frustrating.
And that's kind of what the growth journey is like when we start from where we are, and try to get through the obstacles that we have.
The wisest way is to start from where you want to be, and then work your way backwards to where you are.
And if you’ve never done that with a maze puzzle, you should try it. It's really cool. You take your pencil, and you put it in the center of the maze, and then you work your way out. That's cheating. But it works. And you'll pretty much instantly be able to find the quickest and easiest and sweetest path that you can, then backtrack, and use it to get to the center of the maze.
Use this podcast to speed your path to love
This process is the same. And I'm going to lead you in it, and guide you in it. And you can use this podcast as often as you want, you can use it every day, to help you get to this place.
And you're going to go to it, hopefully frequently, and every time you do, you're going to get a message.
And that's my daily meditation. That message becomes my daily meditation. I write it down. I actually speak it into my phone. So it's written down for me.
Other people I know create posts-its and they put it up on their computer. But however you do it, it becomes your meditation for the day. And what this process does over time is, it grooms you for your greatness. It helps you get past your obstacles to become the person you're meant to be.
Finding your inner voice
So, just one thought to help you kind of picture this in another way. Picture being in a giant mansion. And you're trying to get to a particular room. But you're lost, and it's hard, and you know it's one of the rooms you want to get to, but it's hard to get to. Now imagine someone in that room, or in the hall outside of that room, calling to you. You hear that voice and you're guided in the right direction. You are going to have your wisest self calling to you. And it's going to shorten the amount of time it takes you to get to become the person that you want to become.
And the best news is, of course, that this is a part of you already.
The you that you're going to be envisioning in the next few minutes, is the you that you are. It's a you that has been calling to you anyway. And now you're going to listen.
And, the voice that you come up with is going to surprise you, it's going to intrigue you, it's going to heal you You’ll see. Somehow you tap into a circuitry that connects to your own Inner Mentor.
Let's Begin The Inner Mentor Process™
All right. Let's begin now. What I'd like you to do is take a moment, and get a paper and pen. Now, when I lead, when I do this process myself, I do something called tapping, or EFT. It's basically tapping on a number of meridian points that are acupressure points. And there's a lot of great information on YouTube that teaches you how to do that. I do that for 15 minutes before I do this exercise. But, you could do this exercise when you're walking down the street. It could take you one second. Once you know how to imagine this self, it's easy and it's fast.
But today, I'm going to guide you in a mini-meditation that you can use anytime you want. You may not need it after this time, but it's available to you. And I'm going to guide you in a minute in a micro-meditation, to help you be able to connect to this beautiful part of you. And then get a message from that place.
Close your eyes
Ok. So, what I'd like you to do is I'd like you to close your eyes now. Get comfortable. Get cozy. Take a breath or two. Good. Just relax. And I'm going to ask you to picture some things, and I want to say to you, don't worry about picturing them perfectly. You could picture them generally. You could picture them vaguely. You could go in and out of connectedness and attention. Don't worry. Because when you just get little glimpses that's going to be enough. So,
I'd like you to start out by picturing a time in your life when a really good sense of love was flowing through you.
And I want you to not use a memory that kind of ended in a betrayal or a really bad situation. One that you can go back to with a good feeling inside.
Remember a time
But just remember a time that love was kind of streaming in you. It could be with another person. It could be with a pet. It could be a spiritual experience. It doesn't matter. Just remember that time. Remember how good that felt. How you you felt at that moment. How it felt in your body. You don't have to cling too hard to this. You could just let it flow like a beautiful breeze that you feel that comes and goes. But just remember that experience. A feeling so connected to love.
Just remember a time that love was kind of streaming in you. It could be with another person. It could be with a pet. It could be a spiritual experience.
It doesn't matter. Just remember that time. Remember how good that felt. How you felt at that moment. How it felt in your body. You don't have to cling too hard to this. You could just let it flow like a beautiful breeze that you feel that comes and goes. But just remember that experience. A feeling so connected to love.
Feeling connected to yourself
And now I'd like you to think about a time that you felt really connected to yourself. Really deeply free and comfortable in your own being. Whatever that memory is. Just give yourself time to remember it. Imperfectly is fine.
That fabulous feeling of being comfortable in your own skin. And being good with you. By liking you.
That great feeling. Just remember that. How that feels in your body. How that felt in your body. And now I'm going to ask you to just hold those with pleasure. We're going to move to another memory.
Feeling loved by someone
I want you to think about feeling loved by someone. And again, someone with whom ultimately you did not feel kind of betrayed.
A memory that can still feel like a good memory. Maybe a pet. Maybe a grandparent. A loved one. A child. A spiritual figure. But a time that you just felt loved.
I want you to remember that. How it felt to have the pores of your heart so open. How good it felt. And think of maybe one person who has loved you like that. And how good it has felt to be loved like that. Just take a minute to thank that person for loving you like that.
Now think of another person. Or a pet. Or a spiritual figure. Let yourself just kind of bask for a moment in the memory of being loved. Being seen and being loved like that. Don't worry if your memories are imperfect. Don't worry if they were short. Don't worry if you weren't even able to get some of these memories at all. Because my guess is that something in these little questions that I asked did come up for you. And just let yourself feel warmed by that. By those memories.
Into the Inner Mentor process™
And now, we’re moving into the Inner Mentor process™.
I want you to imagine the you that you feel you're meant to be.
The you on the other side of the glass ceilings of fear and unworthiness. A you who can love. A you who's good in your own skin. A you who's full of love, creativity. The you that you are meant to be. The you who is fully alive. But you don't have to become this self. All I want you to do is imagine it. That's all. Picture that you. Fully you. Alive you. Loving you. Peaceful you. The you you're meant to be. And just take a look at this image. You might notice even what you're wearing. And where you are. How you're standing.
And now look at your face. And look at what your face reflects when you're in this beautiful space. Look at what your face reflects. Look at what your eyes show. What your face shows. And now imagine what it's like to be in your skin. Living this way. This you is unafraid to be you. To live as you. Just picture what it's like to be in your skin. Not afraid to express yourself. Not afraid to believe in yourself.
Jump into the skin of that you
And now what I want you to do, is I want you to just imagine that you jump into the skin of that you. That you don't have to earn it. You don't have to become it. It's a fantasy. You just imagine. Give yourself the gift of just imagining you there right now. Because it's you. Anyway, it's the you you're meant to be.
So, just imagine that all of a sudden you are that evolved version of yourself.
You give yourself the gift of being that you. Just enjoy that, for a moment.
And now what I want you to do is to, from this place of being your own Inner Mentor, this evolved you, this older brother, older sister, more evolved self–I want you to look at the you of today. Sitting here right now. Striving. Caring. Caring about growth. Longing to grow. Longing to find and have deeper love. Look at that you of today.
And from this vantage point of being this full you, think, what do I most want to say to that me, the me of today? From the vantage point of your Inner Mentor. This wonderful self.
Look at the you of today and think, what do I most want to tell her? What do I most want to say to him? What does he, what does she most need to hear from me now? What matters most?
Write to yourself
Now, I want you to take your paper and pen, and write to yourself. And just let it flow. Be this self as if you're channeling it, and just write whatever comes. And the more raw, and the more flowing, and the riskier what you write is, the more wisdom it's going to be filled with. So just write from the guts. And you can pause the podcast here. And you can just take some time to write.
OK. Good. So now, what I'd like you to do is come back to you, and just imagine thanking this Inner Mentor. And allowing yourself to feel this Inner Mentor join with you, so you're together. And just look at what you wrote. Here's what I want to tell you.
You do not need to look for the next guru's message or the next wise person's message. What you've got in your hands right here is your next step.
It's like you've climbed the mountaintop, it happened to have been right there inside you all along, and you've gotten true wisdom. The question is, are you willing to follow it?
Your daily meditation
And what I'd like you to do is to have that be your daily meditation for today, whatever it is. You're not going to follow it perfectly or anywhere near perfectly. But that's not your goal. Your goal is just to remember this message during the day and to look, love it and to enjoy it. To savor it. Do this, and do it regularly, and you will become groomed for your own greatness. Day by day, step by step, you are going to become closer and closer to that Inner Mentor, the person you long to be.
And let me just say a few things about this. One thing is, and I mentioned this before, but I want to mention it again. I do not know how this works. But, there is some way that you bypass the circuitry of inner criticism. And if you look at what you wrote, it was probably filled with warmth and kindness and love. It's an amazing thing because, for example, I'm not so good at giving myself a break. But every day when I do this process, I give myself a break. It's like I tune into a good parent that I have a very hard time curating and creating for myself, in normal day to day life. But doing this process, I somehow do, there's a kindness and a gentleness, and there's a bypassing of the inner critic that is just exquisite.
Somehow this exercise helps you find the good
And go with the good. Some days when you do this process, you're going to get messages that are pretty salty or pretty intense. Other days they'll be very gentle. Sometimes you may get the same message again and again and again and again. All of those things are wonderful. You just follow the process, wherever it leads you. I know someone who sometimes gets fashion advice. This Inner Mentor will say, “wear your sexy boots today!” I know stories of people who were told, “Go for a walk.” And on that walk, met someone, who was really, important to them. I know that from myself doing this process. I had been guided to insights and actions, that in a million years, I never would have thought of, that changed the course of my life.
So this is an exercise of self-empowerment
Self-empowerment, in the purest form. It is an exercise that will teach you how to love others, and how to love yourself. And it will help groom you to become the person that you dream of being. It's like those daily meditation books. This is your daily meditation. And I want to encourage you to do this. Now you don't have to do this long process, as I said before. You could be sitting on the subway, and close your eyes for one minute, picture your Inner Mentor, and say, what does she have to say? What does he have to say? And almost always you're going to get a response. And that response is it going to be filled with an earthy wisdom that is tailor-made for you.
So I hope you enjoy this exercise. I hope it helps you speed your path to love. I hope you don't do what I did, which was feel intimidated by the greatness of the me that I felt I was meant to be, and avoid it. I would encourage you to kind of dive in and use it every day. And let me know, write, write in or record a response to me, and let me know what your experiences are with this, because I'd love to hear them and I'd love to share them with other listeners of the podcast.