What if I told you that there was a practice that takes no more than 10 minutes a day, and can change your future in love in powerful, wonderful ways? Well, there is! And in this episode of the Deeper Dating® Podcast, I will teach it to you.

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Listen For

• 02:30 – How can you tailor your spiritual practice to support your intimacy journey, search for love, and personal healing?
• 06:13 – What can moments of physical and emotional connection teach you about love, joy, and your inner wisdom?
• 08:38 – How can spending time in the presence of your “better self” transform the way you live and love?
• 16:12 – What simple prayer, intention, or “ask” can help refine your search for love and guide you toward deeper wisdom?
• 19:36 – How can committing just five to ten minutes a day to a meaningful practice create lasting personal change?

Learn more about this episode. Visit https://deeperdatingpodcast.com.

 

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10 Minutes A Day To Change Your Romantic Future (Really)

What if I told you that there was a practice that takes no more than ten minutes a day and will substantially change your future in love in powerful, wonderful ways? Well, there is. In this episode of the Deeper Dating® Podcast, I will teach you a practice that can help you do that. Stay tuned to this episode of the Deeper Dating Podcast.

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Hello, everybody, and welcome to the Deeper Dating® Podcast. I’m Ken Page. I’m a Psychotherapist. I’m the Author of the bestselling book, Deeper Dating, your host on this podcast and the creator of Deeper for Good™, a new app where people can meet in a kinder, more respectful, more engaged way while also doing things to make the world a better place. We’re launching any day now. Actually, by the time this podcast comes out, just go to DeeperForGood.com so that you can get on our waiting list, meet other really quality people, and make a difference in the world at the same time.

If you want to learn more about the Deeper Dating path to intimacy, just go to DeeperDatingPodcast.com. There, you’ll find about 240 episodes, transcripts of every episode, so much information about how to bring mindfulness and wisdom and self-love to your search for love and your intimacy journey. In this episode and every episode, my commitment is to share with you the greatest tools I know to help you find love and keep it flourishing and heal your life in the process because the skills of intimacy are the skills of dating. And those skills are the greatest skills of all for a happy and meaningful life.

So, today, I am going to talk about creating a spiritual practice for yourself that’s quick and simple and powerful and targeted to your intimacy journey and your search for love. So many of us meditate or have spiritual practices, and that is a wonderful thing and I do, and I deeply, deeply believe in that. But you also want a practice that is tailored to your intimacy journey. That’s tailored to your search for love, your sexual healing and growth. 

Many of us meditate or have spiritual practices, and that’s a wonderful thing. But we also need practices tailored to our intimacy journey—our search for love, and our healing and growth in relationships and sexuality. Share on X

You’re working on trauma around intimacy. Your capacity to be more patient and more loving. Your capacity to show who you really are. All of these qualities that are intimacy wisdom. So, yes. If you just do general meditation, you will have a general increase, like a 360 increase in wisdom and kindness, and all the wonderful things that come from meditation, but it will be 360. And I think it’s really important if you want to focus on your intimacy journey to create a practice that’s doable, quick, potent, powerful, and life-changing. And in this episode, I’m going to teach you how to do that.

If what we’re talking about here is gaining deeper wisdom, in your intimacy journey. Wisdom so that you can make choices that are less reactive. Choices that expand love. Ways of being that, whereas in your head, you might be irritated. You might be judgmental, but when you drop down into another zone or lift up into another zone, you might feel something really different. And this is an example I give many times. So, I’m in my day. I’m in my night. I’m getting things done that have to be done, thinking, “How can I get to bed in time?”

Greg and I are doing all the things we have to do with our animals and our house and all of that to get ready. It’s getting closer and closer to bedtime and then, it’s bedtime and we’re not ready yet. And I don’t like that because I wake up pretty early, and I treasure my sleep. I’m maybe a little frustrated at both of us that we didn’t get to bed in time. We get into bed and unless, there’s really, really, really something on my mind. We get into bed and we hold each other and something so powerful changes.

I feel love. I feel joy. It’s this biological wisdom that it feels like. It’s physical when we hold each other. It’s very hard to put into words but there is a joy. There is magic and there’s something I had completely almost forgotten when I was dealing with the crap of logistics. And then, when we hold each other, I remember this treasure. I mean, that’s a really different space than I was in ten minutes before then. And, of course, this doesn’t happen all the time, but it happens a lot. So, what is that? Somehow, I am placing myself in the presence of something better than my mind.

Something more loving. Something kind or something more beautiful. And I experience that presence by physical touch, but it does not have to be physical touch. When I go into my meditation in the morning, assuming I don’t have too much crap on my mind because that really sullies the water. But assuming that I’m sort of reasonably, not obsessing about whatever and I sit down to meditate. The tightness of my thinking shifts. The generosity of my thinking increases. I get ideas that I would not have had before. Before I did my spiritual practice.

There are ideas that are abundant and they’re big. They’re maybe a little bit shocking. They’re mold breaking and they may be full of love. I would not have thought of them 5 minutes earlier or 10 minutes earlier before I started meditating. I really wouldn’t have. As I do my practices, I’m putting myself in a presence of a me state that it’s a better me. It’s me that is connected to something better than the me of right now. It’s still me. It is me, but it’s a better me.

Being in the presence of that changes me, and being in the presence of that on a regular basis really changes me. So, when I was single, I decided to take on a practice. I do remember where I thought of this from. I have a spiritual teacher. His name was Paramahansa Yogananda. He wrote a book called Autobiography of a Yogi. He has been my spiritual teacher for 52 years. Anyway, his spiritual teacher said to him, “Just meditate a few minutes every day and your life will get better.”

I thought, “Okay. I’m going to do that,” and I had been a meditator for forever, but I wasn’t doing this kind of meditation. And I decided I was going to do 5 to 10 minutes a day of meditation that would finally help me with my locked in places around finding love. I had lots of them, and I still have a bunch of them but a lot less. Anyway, my teacher had this prayer that he said. And I decided that I was going to work with this prayer. This is theistic and if the whole God thing doesn’t work for you. Please know that I understand that and you absolutely don’t have to use any deity at all.

You could ask of your own inner wisdom. You could ask of your own beautiful heart. You could ask of people who you love and love in an imaginary way or maybe not so imaginary, to be there for you while you’re doing this. You can ask them. You can ask whatever your concept of a higher power is, and it’s really a task of adulthood to create an understanding of what spirituality is for us. It is a task. A beautiful and challenging task of adulthood, to be able to do that.

And we can hold the parts of us that don’t believe and the parts of us that may be do believe. I remember working with the client of mine. I just talked about this at a talk that I gave. I remember working with a really smart client of mine. He was talking about his spiritual beliefs. And then, at a later point in the session, he says something about, you know, “How could there be a higher power? How could there be with all this stuff that happens in the world?” And I said, “But yet you were saying a few moments ago that you do believe in a higher power.”

 

He said, “I refuse to believe in a world so small where I can’t experience both of those things and let them both be okay.” And I just thought that was kind of grand wisdom. Anyway, I took on this prayer, and this is leading up to practices that I’m going to give you. I took on this prayer and the prayer was, “God, bless me that I choose my life companion based on your ways of perfect soul unity.” Now, this was a kind of knockout prayer for me, and a part of me hated it. I really didn’t like it because I was thinking, “Yeah, but I have to be attracted to him. Soul unity, schmoul unity, he’s got to be hot.”

Yes. Of course, I believed that soul unity was a beautiful thing, but I didn’t think you started there. I thought you started with, “is their mutual attraction?” And yes, you do but also you don’t.

When you’re afraid, and this took me all this time. I just felt it was like a shovel under a rock that barely budged and then began to budge that I shifted. The way that I held my search for love from this much more immature, kind of place which is nurtured by our culture and nurtured also by gay male culture or especially was in the past.

This is talking about a long time ago that I was doing this. Anyway, yeah, soul unity. I actually had to begin to think of things differently. Yes, there had to be attraction, but what if I led with, what if I started caring more about? What if I didn’t make it 2nd, 3rd or 4th on the list? That I saw goodness in this person’s eyes. That I saw calm. That I saw decency. That I witnessed behavior that would only be the kind of behavior that someone has who really is organized around a commitment to goodness.

Fire transforms you. It makes you more real, more beautiful, and more focused. It burns away the noise, refines who you are, and sharpens your search for what truly matters. Share on X

I looked for that second. I looked for that third. I looked for it, but those came later. So, yes. Did I still want to be with someone who I was attracted to? Absolutely, but I started leading with my goodness. I started leading with myself and I started looking for people like that as well. And when that became first, it didn’t put me in a position where I was going to be with people I wasn’t attracted to. But it absolutely changed so profoundly the men that I was meeting and goodness became a thing.

And it scared me less. There was more mutuality. That prayer was so wise and beautiful. I used it for leverage, to change myself, and did it hurt at times to do this? Yes, because I would think, “What the hell am I doing? I’m never going to find anybody. What if I get my hopes up like this and nothing happens? What if I start thinking about soul unity and I end up with someone I’m not attracted to but we have great soul unity? And then I’m stuck for the rest of my life.” I had all these different kinds of thoughts and then, of course, I had that painful, burning, longing of loneliness.

That was a hard one. Not to mention all the times I thought about my shopping list and people who annoyed me and things I had to get done and things I didn’t do and what parts of the house needed cleaning, etc. I spent a lot of time doing that, but now I’m going to teach you the practice. The practice is to find some kind of sentence that when you say it, it feels like you’re next to something wiser than you. It feels like it lifts you up. It can be an affirmation. It can be an ask, a spiritual ask, like mine was an ask. It could be a piece that you read that kind of sets you on fire and sets your longing on fire.

But I’m encouraging you to not just defer, but to ask. Affirming is great. “I affirm that I will find my perfect lover.” “I affirm that my wonderful lover is here right now.” Although, those things are great. They’re great and they’re real. These are real places for them but there’s something about asking. There’s something about being in the raw human ask. That it is very powerful. It creates an inner hurt, an inner turmoil, an inner fire. It’s not easy, but that fire transforms you. It really does. It makes you more real. It makes you more beautiful. It burns away a lot of crap and it focuses you.

Do good in the world, then connect with people in a completely non-swipe environment—one rooted in kindness, decency, and genuine human connection. Share on X

It refines you, and it refines your search. That’s why I’m suggesting that there’s an ask in the practice that you do. And again, it does not have to be to a deity. It could be to your inner potential. It could be to your inner wisdom. It doesn’t matter. You just want to be in a place where somehow the container is open on top. That you are open to receive wisdom that’s bigger than your mind can fabricate right now. That’s just a suggestion. You might not want to do an ask. You might want to do an affirmation. You might want to read a passage that really touches you, but this is what you want to do.

You want to feel like you are somehow putting yourself in the presence of and the availability to where you’re claiming your availability to a wisdom that’s more wonderful than your own at the moment. And when you do that, things start to change. You change. You become more beautiful. You become more lit from within. And I suggest 5 to 10 minutes a day. If you could do ten minutes a day, I think that’s great. If you can only do five minutes a day, start with five minutes a day.

I think so many people want to do a practice like that, and just don’t get around to it. So, I just want to say that when I think about what changed me the most, what really helps me move away from someone who was very type focused. I would say, selfish, limited and trying so hard to find a relationship at the same time. To someone who was more focused on my goodness and the goodness of other people. So much changed. So much changed for me.

It wouldn’t have happened without that because my methods for finding love were very particular. They were very willful. They were very patterned and I tried them again and again because they made sense to me, but they really led me nowhere. It was the influx of wisdom that made such a difference. I really want to be a stand for you saying, “Five minutes a day, I am going to do it. I am going to do it. Ten minutes a day, I am going to do it.”

If you want, in my book Deeper Dating Chapter 6, it’s an entire chapter on how to develop a practice that suits you and serves you. So, that’s a wonderful place to look as well, but you don’t need to. If you like what I’m saying, you could just start using this here or you could start now with this, and get the book and read chapter six. But what I want for you is some kind of practice that is tailored, focused, laser about your intimacy journey.

And I am really excited about the possibility that you will write to me and share what your experiences are with this. So, thank you so much for listening. I just want to mention one more time, DeeperForGood.com. You will be able to go to online events and meet amazing people. Do good in the world and then start interacting with people in a completely non-swipe environment. An environment that’s really based on goodness and decency. So, DeeperForGood.com. Thank you so much and try this out and write to me.

Let me know how it goes. Let me know what shifts for you. Maybe find a buddy. Have them listen to this episode and both of you make a commitment that for one month, you are going to try this little thing and be there to support each other. I cannot tell you how much I believe in both of those pieces. Getting support and the just doing it. Thanks so much for listening.

 

Important Links

• Deeper for Good
• Deeper Dating: How to Drop the Games of Seduction and Discover the Power of Intimacy
• Autobiography of a Yogi
• Deeper Dating Podcast