I love and respect today’s guest, Darla LeDoux, author, chemical engineer-turned-intuitive-guide, and founder of Sourced, a graduate school for coaches, consultants, creatives, and healers to offer and deliver deep transformational work with their magical gifts.

Darla is masterful at turning intangible concepts into practical ideas that make a difference. She creates a lot of abundance in her life and those around her. In this episode, she speaks to the value of compassion and the challenges of being a vibration magic person. She shares how to access your personal magic and how that magic can help you find love and keep it and offers tips for accessing your inner mentor.

Listen to this episode to learn how to find a supportive container, give yourself grace, and discover your magics.

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Show Notes:

 

  • What happens when you shut down your magic
  • How to access your personal magic
  • What are the six types of magic
  • Ways to identify your magic
  • What is compassion magic
  • How to define vibration magic
  • What is sensation magic
  • How does vibration magic show up in a relationship

 

Important Links:

 

Sourced Experience | Facebook | Instagram | Linkedin

 

6 month coaching and mentorship intensive with Ken Page

 

Title of the Episode

 

Ken Page:                                             

Each of us has qualities that are our unique magic, in relationships, in work, and in our whole lives. And when we can identify our unique quality of magic, we can navigate our lives and our relationships with so much more skill and grace. Find out which of the six categories of personal magic is yours as I interview Darla LeDoux, coach for transformation leaders and author of Shift the Field, on this episode of The Deeper Dating® Podcast.                   

Hello, dear community, and welcome to The Deeper Dating Podcast. I’m Ken Page, the author of the best-selling book Deeper Dating, the host of your podcast, and the creator of The Deeper Dating® Intensive. Today, I am so excited to have my dear, dear friend, Darla LeDoux, with us today teaching us how to access our personal magic.

 Darla is the author of Shift the Field and the founder of Sourced, a premier graduate school for transformational leaders. I’m going to tell you more about her in a moment. I’m very excited about this episode, and honored and privileged to have you here, Darla.

 

Watch the episode here:

 

 

Darla LeDoux:                                         

I’m thrilled to be here. I love you, Ken, so much, and I love your work. So I’m delighted to see what comes out of putting our heads together about this.

Ken Page:                                             

I feel the same way. Folks, this is Deeper Dating®. This week and every week, I try to share with you the greatest tools and insights and awarenesses that I know to help you find healthy love and keep it flourishing and heal your life in the process because the skills of dating are nothing more than the skills of intimacy. If you want to learn more about this work, just go to deeperdatingpodcast.com. There you’ll find transcripts of every episode. You can join my mailing list and receive lots and lots of resources and information.

So glad to have all of you here, and Darla, so glad to have you here. I want to tell people a little bit about Darla, who I adore and respect very much. Darla, as I said, is the author of Shift the Field and the founder of Sourced, a premier graduate school for transformational leaders.

She supports coaches, consultants, creatives, and healers to offer and deliver deep transformational work with their magical gifts, which she’ll be teaching you how to access.

She’s a chemical engineer turned intuitive guide, and she’s masterful at turning intangible concepts into practical ideas that make a difference. She teaches, and I know that that is true, she teaches clients how to alchemize old, stuck energy patterns to create quantum-type leap results financially in their business and in their lives, shift the energy field and transform the experience of life.

She and her team at Sourced envision a world where transformation is the norm, where inner knowing is our guide and where we trust that life is unfolding perfectly to bring forth our fullest expression. They offer divinely guided business coaching and a transformational leadership certificate, the Certified Sourced Leader.

Darla, welcome. I am so excited about my community learning from you, how they can access their own magic and how that magic can help them find love, keep love alive, deepen into intimacy, and support and enhance the projects and missions that they have in the world. So welcome. Why don’t you tell us something about your story and what brought you to these insights and this place in your life.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Well, I first want to start with I’m not a relationship expert. I’ve learned a lot about that from you. Relationship has actually been my big area of struggle. I know we’ll talk a little bit today about relationships and abundance and how they connect. The work that I’ve done inspired by having relationship breakdowns has really caused me to grow as a person and as a business owner. So I’m really excited to dive in and share about that.

 

You have got to be your most authentic energy to meet the person you are a match for. Share on X

 

In my professional journey, as you said, I was a chemical engineer. I had a great job at Procter & Gamble. I got promoted really quickly to senior engineer. In my performance review when I got promoted, one of the things they said to me, they said, “Your soft skills are great, Darla, but you might want to tone them down a little bit here because they’ll only get you so far.”

This was coming from my boss who I respected. What he was really saying is you’ve got to prove yourself and your ability to think logically. In that world, it was be in the lab and be an actual engineer. I was more of a product engineer.

But the things that I knew actually were the reason I was getting promoted he was saying were a problem: my intuition, my ability to connect the dots, my relationship building, which is what helped me get things done. All of that, kind of tone that down and go this route. I now know obviously that was what he was trained to believe, but there was a part of me that believed that, that these softer gifts that I had were not as valuable.

That said, at the same time they sent me into a coach training. So here I’m in this coach training, and I’m really discovering energy. We were being trained in what I call being a diversity coach. We were helping people to work well together who had differences, so all about relationship actually, but to really be able to identify what biases we might have about one another early on so that they didn’t get in the way in the relationship.

In this training, we had to own our own biases and filters about life. In that process, I discovered that I had biases and filters about life, and I didn’t know that before. It was one of those moments, I call it my punch in the gut moment, where I thought, “Why doesn’t everybody know this?” It was just this deep, deep gut feeling that if I could do anything with my life, it’s really spread the word that we can… My language now would be that we can shift our energy and we can shift our whole life.

Ken Page:                                             

You found your mission.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Yeah, exactly.

 

Discover the Power of Your Intimacy Magic: An Interview with Darla LeDoux

When we shut our magic down, a distance gets created in our relationship: when we express that magic, when we’re with the right person, intimacy comes back.

 

Darla LeDoux:                                         

At the same time, I was being told that’s not actually a valuable skill, so I was conflicted about it. I call it my fears in the self-help aisle,  when I thought about starting a business and then I got scared.

Then I thought about becoming a coach or moving into at least a helping profession. Then I got scared until my stepdad died and I got divorced, the first time. It was all in the same very short period of time and everything started to fall apart. In that space it actually gave me a really profound freedom because up until that point I was trying to keep it together, do the right thing, look smart, look good. When things started to fall apart, I actually gave myself permission to try this thing and get certified as a coach and start a business.

Ken Page:                                             

Wow, and leave Procter & Gamble.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Exactly. My stepdad was 52 when he passed. I was sitting in my cubicle because I had taken all my vacation days. He had just gotten a promotion. He finally got the job that he loved, and then he died. There was something in that that made me not wait any longer. I was like, “I can fail. I just have to find out if I can do this.”

Ken Page:                                             

And the rest is history.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

That was 15 years ago. So I’ve been in business ever since and developed a lot of bodies of work, and we’re going to talk about one today.

 

Embrace your magics

 

Ken Page:                                             

Beautiful, beautiful. In that, this discovery of finding and embracing your magic came out, and that’s what we’re going to be talking about today, is that right?

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Yes.

Ken Page:                                             

I just want to say, knowing you, this magic does come out. Something about you that’s amazing is that there is this softness and this gentleness and this generosity, but you create a lot of abundance in very real and practical and big ways. What a beautiful, beautiful and amazing combination. So tell us, tell us how we can identify our magic and how we can use it in our lives. Teach us.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

I have to say, when you talked about the softness, my name, Darla LeDoux, means the soft one, the sweet one. When I found that out, I was so upset. Ken, I thought, “These are not good qualities to have in life. I’m going to get eaten alive.” But it really is a great strength, and it’s one of the magics I call compassion magic. So we’ll talk about that.

Ken Page:                                             

Beautiful.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

But what I want to frame up is I’m going to share with you, there are six types of magic, and I call it sourced magic. So this is where we resonate. The magic, it isn’t us. It comes from our connection to the divine. Ken, you call it your Inner Mentor. What I’m about to teach is different ways to access your Inner Mentor and how you might experience it in life. So for me, the source is not religious. You could call it God, the universe, the collective consciousness, energy, knowingness. Call it whatever you’d like.

Ken Page:                                             

I call it all those things, yes.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

All of it, and it’s us, right? It’s in us. We’re connected, and we are part of it. We perceive ourselves as separate, but we’re not, and we can access that at any time.

Ken Page:                                             

So these magics are not this thing that are embedded in us and they’re just ours. They are a link and a connection and a portal to the source. They’re not just separate and in us. They’re connected to a source.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Yes. I will say, first of all, I developed this out of necessity. It had to do with COVID. I was leading a virtual retreat, and I noticed the clients that I was working with at that time were very often coming to me and saying, “I’m getting that I should do this. What do you think? I’m getting that I should do that. What do you think?”

More than ever, I think because of all the fear in the air during the pandemic, people were really wanting me to tell them it was okay to know what they know. So I had the group gathering for a retreat, and I thought, “How do I give people permission to know what they know and to trust that the way source is communicating with them is real and to not need to go ask permission?”

Sometimes we do need that affirmation in the beginning. In my programs, I create space for people to play with their magic and to learn and get feedback and to trust that it’s real. But that’s where it came from.

I sat with looking at the patterns of how people… Because if someone would say that to me, I would say, “Well, tell me what you’re experiencing.” We would feel into how they were getting that message and then say, “Okay, and now what do you think?” and they would decide for themselves it was true. So I started to look at the ways people were experiencing their knowing and mapped it into these six buckets.

Ken Page:                                             

Beautiful.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

I taught it at retreat. It was extremely helpful. Taught it again. It was extremely helpful. Then I turned it into a quiz and a framework and little reports and practices and all of these things.

The other thing I want to say to frame it up is more recently I’ve talked a fair amount about intimacy, Ken, and how… Just like my manager in corporate told me, “Tone this down. It’s not okay here,” we’re taught that it’s not okay to know what we know. A lot of people at a young age were taught in systematic ways to shut this stuff down.

Then you get into a relationship with the person that you’re supposed to be closest with. Ken, you know I’m in a relationship now that was birthed out of the Deeper Dating® Intensive. I’m watching myself practice this. Sometimes I’m excellent at it. My magic shows up and I express it. Sometimes I shut it down, and then I notice this distance between us because I’m not safe there. I’m not honoring what’s true. Then as soon as I do, then intimacy is restored.

Ken Page:                                             

Can I just say something about that?

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Yeah.

Ken Page:                                             

Oh, I’m sorry. Finish your sentence, and then I’ll say something.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Oh, that was it.

Ken Page:                                             

Oh, okay. Well, what you just said feels like a paradigm that’s so important, and I just want to reiterate it. That experience of when we shut our magic down, a distance gets created in our relationship. When we express that magic, when we’re with the right person, intimacy comes back. That’s huge. That’s huge. It doesn’t feel like it’s that.

We shut our magic down, and then we wonder why and we feel the emptiness. It’s not like we’re like, “Oh, I shut my magic down and that’s exactly why the intimacy is gone.” No, we shut it down. Then the intimacy is not there in the same way, and we experience emptiness and pain and don’t know why. And that’s the reason.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Yes. For me, I go into then collecting evidence about what’s wrong with the other person. Every single time I can go back to, “Oh, yeah, I just forgot to express what was true for me.”

Ken Page:                                             

This is such a huge formula you’re saying. That’s an archetype, right? That’s so deep and universal and powerful. Thank you.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

I will say that being in a relationship where it’s safe to practice and to express and to mess it up and then do it again-

Ken Page:                                             

You know it.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

… is critical, right? In the past, I haven’t had that.

Ken Page:                                             

Right.

 

We are taught that it is not okay to know what we know. Share on X

 

Darla LeDoux:                                         

So there are six types of magic. Just remember, this is permission to honor it, just like your Core Gifts, so there may be some overlap for people who do your work with the Core Gifts. The first is compassion, compassion magic.

I work with transformational leaders who are working with clients, and so we talk a lot about how it shows up with your clients, this magic. Compassion magic is a tendency toward complete non-judgment. It is a heart energy, a heart magic. When people are around you, they feel safe. They feel like they can breathe. They feel seen. I believe the definition of compassion is to feel with.

Ken Page:                                             

Ooh.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

So they don’t feel alone when in your presence. Now, compassion magic, I feel, can often forget to set boundaries, but that’s our biggest asset. It’s actually the biggest gift. So if you think about when someone is struggling with something, you can hold space for that.

You can be with that without having to rescue them or try to help them get out of it. That’s true compassion. So a lot of times if a compassion magician hasn’t practiced their boundaries, they’ll be in the rescuing mode or the fix mode or the seeing-the-potential mode because they’re not judging and they’re looking past these things. But really, when someone has cultivated that magic to see and love the world and hold space for whatever shows up without having to fix or change it, that’s the magic.

Ken Page:                                             

Beautiful, beautiful. It’s almost like the naïve magic and then the skilled magic.

 

Discover the Power of Your Intimacy Magic: An Interview with Darla LeDoux

Recognition magic is seeing the patterns of how people know what they know and how they describe it, even if they can’t explain how they know it: if you’re someone who’s guided by things happening in threes, you’re probably a recognition magician.

 

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Yes. If I’m thinking about in relationship, a compassion magician, if you were… Well, first of all, if you get into a relationship trying to fix someone, that’s going to be problematic to begin with. You probably have a lot to say about that. And we could also have learned to hold it back. This is something, Ken…

I hosted retreats for a long time. I still host retreats. But I was doing this, and I didn’t have this context of the value of compassion. So I thought people were coming and buying my content, so I had PowerPoint slides and workbooks and lots of handouts.

What I learned over time is people were really coming to be in a space of non-judgment so they could see what they hadn’t seen about themselves and embrace it. You know me and my passion for creating safety for people. That’s a big piece of compassion magic is not only am I not going to judge, but I’m not going to allow that in my space.

Ken Page:                                             

Beautiful, yeah, yeah, yeah.

 

The six types of magic

 

Darla LeDoux:                                         

The second is vibration magic. Vibration magic is speaking in energy. So a vibration magician might read the energy of a situation before anything. It’s like you walk in the room and you just pick up the vibe. Like, there was an argument that had happened before you arrived, and you just know because you can feel the vibration.

A vibration magician also senses the vibration of the words people use. So if there’s a certain tendency toward words that are negative or judgey or self deprecating, they’re going to pick up the field of that.

Ken Page:                                             

Wow.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Some vibration magicians see energy, see auras, colors. They might literally see the vibrations, like the speed of the vibrations when someone’s communicating. A vibration magician in the world of transformation, so I work with transformational leaders, the vibration magician, it kind of has two things going on.

They will see the presenting vibration, and then they’ll also see the soul vibration. So a little like, when I was talking about compassion and boundaries, with vibration magicians, there can be a tendency to look at who the person could be at a soul level and not be realistic about the vibration they’re actually showing.

Ken Page:                                             

Very similar to the compassion magic, like being in the pure state and not wanting to really identify what’s going on in the more real state.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Right.

Ken Page:                                             

How does that show up in an intimate relationship, vibration magic?

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Well, what I would say, as we’re thinking about creating intimacy, it would be being really honest about what you’re experiencing vibrationally. I would say, I’ve had this scenario in my current relationship a few times where I’ve said, “Oh, I hear you saying that, but the vibration I’m picking up is this.”

Ken Page:                                             

Ah, that’s such a skill to be able to do that.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

We’ve all had that experience. I know I did in my past relationship of hearing the words and something in me was not believing the words, but then I didn’t have the tools to express or the trust in myself or the trust in the other person that it would be received to be able to say, “That doesn’t feel right.”

Ken Page:                                             

Yes, yes. Tell me about the magic and how it applies… When you’re in this magic, if you have this vibration magic and you own it and you embody it, what are you going to be like in your search for love, like your dating life, and what will you be like in your relationship-

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Again, not a-

Ken Page:                                             

… if you’re integrated with it?

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Well, one thing I would say is a lot of apps are not at the vibration that you would probably want your relationship to be at, like the average if you took the energy of the app. So if you’re vibration magic and you’re entering the app, you might have a tendency to lower your vibration to match or feel lower after.

I know you would really encourage people to get out in the real world and meet people, to use their network to meet people. I would really encourage a vibration magician to do that because it’s a non-negotiable for someone who their primary language is energy. You’ve got to be in your most authentic energy to meet the person that you’re a match for.

Ken Page:                                             

Beautiful, beautiful.

 

We can shift our energy and we can shift our whole life. Share on X

 

Darla LeDoux:                                         

So I would get out in life. I say this a lot in business. I work with entrepreneurs, heart-centered, magical entrepreneurs. Let’s say they’re thinking about going to an event to market their business or sponsoring something or whatever. Everybody loves this event. It’s so popular and trendy, this event. But if their vibration says no, it doesn’t feel like a vibrational match, it doesn’t matter how popular it is. You have to trust that vibrational knowing.

Ken Page:                                             

I love that, yeah.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

And so I would say that about dating. Ken, this isn’t for everybody. This is specifically vibration. As soon as we get talked into settling for something or if we share with our friends about this person, and they look really good and this and that but it just feels off, someone might say, “Well, you’re picky, or you should try this,” and talk you into it, that’s not good for a vibration magician. They really have to trust that.

Ken Page:                                             

I love it. I love it. Thinking about this, I’m thinking of someone I know, who probably never thought of calling it that, but she has this vibration magic. I guess I have it some, too. I think that one thing that can happen, tell me what you think about this, is that if you’ve got that and something doesn’t feel vibrationally right but you’re not trusting yourself, basically you will shut down to intimacy.

You’ll have to create an unconscious wall because your deep insides don’t feel like you could protect them because they’re not honoring the fact that your being is saying this, vibration does not feel right.

It’s tough being a vibration magic person because people try to convince you that the way they’re acting is really who they are, but your insides are resonating in a different way. So it could be really confusing. I guess these are just different ways that it’s so important to trust when it doesn’t feel right. And, in the lens of dating, oh man, is that important, because someone presents in a particular way, but your gut tells you that there’s something off in the vibration. So that’s really exciting.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

I think that you’re right. It can be hard and a little lonely because there’s probably going to be more no-matches than matches, and not just in dating. Obviously in dating, we’re looking for a person, most of us. But just in life in general, the vibration on the planet, it’s moving in a more conscious direction, but the average isn’t great, so you’re going to have a lot more no’s. It can feel scary to think, “Will I find my people or my community?” But we’re here.

Ken Page:                                             

Yes, yes, yes. So trusting your vibration magic. That’s great. Thank you.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

The next is recognition. Recognition is interesting. Everything has a shadow. Recognition was my primary, I would say, that I started my business with. It’s the one that I kind of knew that I had, which is connecting the dots, seeing patterns, seeing how things relate. You might be the person who introduces people a lot.

You might have a really good pulse on trends. Because without even knowing it, you’re picking up the subtle nuances about the way things are changing. For me, I see this as threads that connect. Maybe something drops out of fashion and the thread drops off, and then something new pops up. Then I can kind of see the trend of where something’s going.

I honed this growing up in a house with an alcoholic. My dad was an alcoholic. Then my mom remarried, and my stepdad was an alcoholic. He eventually got sober. But there was a lot of these moods that changed. So there was this deep need to pick up on the pulse of what was happening because it wasn’t logical, but there was an underlying… I could tell when it was about to be a bad day and then predict it and hide.

So recognition magic is seeing that. You might see that in other people. You might see it in whatever you do for work, in your marketplace, in your workplace. And it’s fast. You just know. So a recognition magician might just know something and then not even know how to explain how they know it. You might see the writing on the wall, even if it hasn’t happened yet.

In business, often recognition magicians are ahead. So if you’re someone who’s… I know you attract a lot of people in the healing space. If you’re talking about a modality or a concept and people aren’t registering or they’re not signing up, you might just be a year or two too early.

So patience is a really good skill with recognition magic. Sometimes people experience it as a click of knowing. This happens for me also. I might see a random word and I’ll get a click, like, “Pay attention to that word,” and then someone else will say it. If you get things showing up in threes, we’ve heard that phrase, someone who’s guided by things happening in threes is probably a recognition magician.

Ken Page:                                             

I’m thinking of this in terms of relationships and intimacy, and I’m thinking of it almost like seeing a pattern of growth or non-growth or evolution that you can kind of see in your partner. I guess if you have that magic, you can see it in your relationship and in your partner how they’re growing, where they’re not growing.

It’s like you see past, present, and you get a sense of future, and you see how they link together. So there’s this knowing about evolution, this feeling into evolution, which I guess would be a fabulous skill in a relationship because you can kind of chart the arc of where it’s going maybe if you have this magic in a deeper way. Does that feel true?

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Yeah, definitely, definitely. Then in this world of transformation, to me, it’s important to trust that my partner will transform as we grow, not at any particular pace or in any particular way, but to be in the conversation for growth and to actually shift things in their life. That’s something that’s important to me because growth is so important to me. Yeah, I would say you can get a sense of, “Oh, is this person in for that same kind of life?”

Ken Page:                                             

Yeah, I love that. I’m thinking about that with dating, too, because somebody with this capacity would sense somebody open to growth, somebody on a journey, somebody where you could feel in their presence, this movement, this growth, and somebody who’s shut down to that and is static, because you can kind of predict an arc with the people who are static and then with the people who are moving and flowing.

I know in my marriage, that’s a really important thing for me and, I guess, as a therapist, too, this thing of like, “Oh, that’s where we were. This is where we are. That’s movement. Let’s have it go this way or that way.” Yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s so fascinating.

Then the other piece that I just want to say here is I think of weaving a rug or weaving a tapestry, when you introduce new threads into the loom, getting a picture of how this is going to change the way the tapestry looks. Anyway, I’m thinking about all these things and how they apply in relationships as well and in your sensing with the new person that you might be with. What’s your sensing of what the patterns in your connection and in this person’s life feel like? Very exciting. I never thought of it this way.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Because I know in my experience with my relationship, there was this click of recognition, but then I could see the pattern of why that click was there. But what we don’t want to be doing is analyzing, “Oh, they did this. What does that mean?” It’s not a mental thing. Magic is knowing, so trust the knowing.

The other piece to me for intimacy is to have someone… If you do have a knowing, maybe it’s got nothing to do with your relationship, but it’s just, “Well, really, we should eat here tonight, or that’s not going to be a good dining experience,” and you just know because you get that knowing that you have a partner that can trust that at least most of the time. If you know your partner’s magic, it’s kind of pulling the magic card, like, “Oh, no, I just know.”

Ken Page:                                             

That seems like a theme for all of this. All these different kinds of magics is this ability to trust the knowing, huh?

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Yes. Yeah, it’s just different access points to knowing. It’s like only that I have seen in my recognition magic, I’ve seen the patterns of how people know what they know and how they describe it to me with all the clients I’ve worked with. So I give people full permission to come up with their own name for their magic. Just give yourself permission to know it.

Ken Page:                                             

Love that.

 

Discover the Power of Your Intimacy Magic: An Interview with Darla LeDoux

A sensation magician might get their own information through physical symptoms or even health symptoms that are signals: in relationships, sensation magic helps you feel what feels right and what doesn’t feel right in really deep ways.

 

Darla LeDoux:                                         

So the next is sensation magic. Sensation magic is feeling in your body what’s going on in the field. So-

Ken Page:                                             

Say more about that.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Someone with a lot of sensation magic, first of all, for your own personal life, you may get symptoms or physical sensations or even health symptoms that are signals. I fell and dislocated my shoulder at one point, and it was like, “Oh, I really was carrying a lot.” That represents shouldering the burden. People, their eyes flicker or a ringing in the ear, different things that signal something.

What I found is there are some common things. There’s the dictionaries. Louise Hay has one. There’s another one that I use a lot that’s name is escaping me that are dictionaries of physical symptoms and what the emotional undercurrent is.

So as a sensation magician, you might get your own information about you through, and, if you’re ignoring something, it could show up in a chronic pain. But sensation magicians also pick up what other people are feeling. They pick up the energy patterns in other people. This is the most closely associated with being an empath. You’re feeling what other people are feeling physically. It’s an energy.

For me, the first time I really knew I had this, I was hosting retreats a lot, and I started to suspect that I physically felt the room in my body. Then one day we went to lunch, came back. I had eaten something really neutral. I was feeling great. Come back in the room and immediately had an excruciating stomach ache. I asked, “Who in the room, does somebody have a stomach ache?”

Someone raised their hand, and she’s like, “I’ve been sitting here trying to decide whether to raise my hand.” Then she had something going on that she needed to share. It was like my body was telling me that. Now I’ve learned to work with my body so I don’t get excruciating pain.

But this was something, Ken, I think I always had, and I numbed it. I gained a lot of weight when I was young. I was really heavy, so I didn’t feel all of the things that I was feeling in my body that the people around me were experiencing. It was only through doing my work that I started to notice this and then started to trust it, and then I started to get messages from my Inner Mentor to actually use it more.

I argued about it in my head because I thought, “This is a really impractical gift. I don’t want this gift.” But it’s been extremely helpful. Just this morning I did a session with a client where we could pinpoint where the energy pattern was stuck in her body and immediately when it initiated.

Ken Page:                                             

Wow, wow, beautiful. This one, I think about sex, too. Because if you feel things in your body, you will feel what feels right and what doesn’t feel right, what suits your energy, what doesn’t suit your energy in really, really deep ways. I guess in each one of these, you feel both pain and joy even more intensely in your relationships. So this is a really important one.

There’s this concept called projective identification, which is if you’re a therapist and all of a sudden you start feeling things in session that don’t feel like the normal thing you feel, it’s this concept, projective identification, your client, and this maybe particularly true with clients who experience more disturbance, they are unconsciously wanting you to feel what it’s like inside their being. So this feels very, very connected to that.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Yes, yes. Sensation magicians need a lot of practices to not take that on, to be able to release the energy to and to discern, “Is this mine? Is this someone else’s?”

Ken Page:                                             

Yes, yes.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Next is expression magic. This is one that I’ve been playing with lately, Ken, which is really expressing source energy without censoring. This could be someone who is a speaker who’s really transmitting energy in the words rather than thinking logically about what the message is. It could be someone who chooses a career as a preacher or something like that. It could be an artist, a musician.

Various ways that source energy can flow through us in a way that it creates higher consciousness on the planet. So in relationship, if I think about in work, expression magicians often have the hardest time getting into business because we plan a lot in business.

So the idea of, “How do I know what I’m going to say in that talk?” so much of the advice is to plan it all out and practice and be prepared and have it ready. An expression magician needs to, I’ve seen you do this, pause, feel in, and then the words come. We can’t prepare for that. By the way, all our magic is in the present moment. Life is in the present moment, but this is, in particular, in the present moment.

Ken Page:                                             

I guess it takes a kind of bravery to go with that because you have to let go of the guardrails.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Right, yeah, being trusting, being in safety, in relationship, critical.

Ken Page:                                             

So I guess that’s really, really important because it’s a letting go. There’s a letting go and a channeling almost that happens. So how does that feel in an intimate relationship to have that, to experience that magic?

Darla LeDoux:                                         

I’m realizing as I’m speaking about this that I’m not sure how it shows up in my relationship because it’s a new gift for me, so I guess I’m getting curious about that. But I do know that with the clients I’ve worked with who have this really strongly, it’s been a battle because they have really been judged for blurting, for just being too exuberant, for not making enough sense.

In business, these are the people that a lot of times are like, “I know I have something to say, and if I just talk enough, I’ll get it. It’ll come out somewhere in there.” But they’ve been so judged for it that they’re so afraid.

Ken Page:                                             

Yeah, it’s such a letting go. It’s such a risk. I’ll just share a quick intimacy story with this. I was dating my husband, and we were early in our dating. He’s a tech and money guy and I’m a therapist, so our communication in some ways is complex in that way. So early on in the dating I knew that this was serious, but I needed to talk to him about our going deeper in our conversations. So I went into this kind of place that you’re describing.

I was sitting with him, and I just thought, “I’m just going to put words on what’s in my heart. I don’t even know how I’m going to say it, what I’m going to say.” I looked at him and I was going to describe this problem, but I was putting words on what was in my heart. I said, “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

Those were my words. I totally didn’t expect it. He said he knew, and he was not going to say a word because he knew where it was going. I guess that’s a different kind of magic, maybe recognition magic, which he really has strongly. Anyway, that’s just the story of that. Magic came out because I just did just what you’re describing.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

I relate to that, the moments of thinking, “Okay, if I just present this problem, we’ll solve it.” But if I really fill into my heart, it’s like, “Oh, wait, that’s not really…” Let me just be the solution.

Ken Page:                                             

Right, right, yes, which you-

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Just be the solution.

Ken Page:                                             

Yeah, yeah, which is something you really do. I guess we have access to all of these at different points, even though some of them might be our strongest suit.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Most people are multi-magical. Focusing on one and honing it really makes a difference because you’ve got to own the value, own the value of how it has to work through you.

Ken Page:                                             

Yes. So important.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

So that’s expansion, expansion magic. This one’s a little bit different. Like compassion is a deep belief in non-judgment, expansion is a deep belief in the abundance of the universe. So someone who’s an expansion magician sees how something can be amplified.

Ken Page:                                             

Oh, I love that.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

They see you and amplify you. For some expansion magicians, it’s their presence. Do you know those people? You ever get in their space? The clients I have who are expansion magicians, you can feel, the energy in the space gets big.

When you’re in their space, you have better ideas, bigger ideas, but they’re instantly able to be in your corner, see past every… Roadblocks don’t exist because the universe is abundant through that filter. So they can instantly see the path. Sometimes the blind spot or the shadow is not everybody wants expansion or is ready for what you see possible for them.

Ken Page:                                             

I know expansion is one of the most terrifying things there is as well as one of the most gorgeous. It’s really, really true. I guess in a relationship, there are those people who see the potential for the future, see a bigger vision of what you could be as a couple, what your world could look like, what you could do in the world. And there are those of us who don’t have that and are limited and in pain because we can’t see, I guess, the possibility, the potential, the expansion. So I really, really get that.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Through your framework is like, can your partner honor that as a gift in you, if you have that?

Ken Page:                                             

Right, right, right, because it’s scary.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Or vice versa. This is something I’ve seen is expansion magicians almost always have a partner who is very logical, very reasonable.

Ken Page:                                             

Isn’t that interesting?

Darla LeDoux:                                         

They don’t always stay together. It’s like, what the magician has to do is do the inner work around, “What do I fear in myself that they’re reflecting back to me?”

 

Naming your magics

 

Ken Page:                                             

Well, I love it. I love it, yeah, yeah. So with all of these, with all of these, I’m just filling in to how key it is to feel and honor and name yours. Maybe it’s a lot of them. I guess you said most people are multi-magical. But how important to put words on this?

Because when you’re in an intimate relationship, if you don’t have a handle on this, you will feel blocked. You will feel in pain. You won’t know who you are. You will feel diminished, or you’ll diminish your partner. This thing of sensing into and embracing your magic just feels like everything. How could you be comfortable in the world, in your relationships, in your own skin if you can’t honor and delight in and name your magic? So I love this.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Thank you. Yes, I truly believe that if we are each self-responsible for honoring what’s true for us, then we’re not putting that on other people to be that for us, and also they can trust us. We can trust one another. We can trust one another to be bringing truth forward, to be intimate, in intimacy. The world starts to shift.

Ken Page:                                             

The world starts to shift, you said?

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Yeah.

Ken Page:                                             

Yeah, yeah, I guess that’s the transformation piece, transformation of relationship, transformation of ourselves. I love these thoughts. I love the thought of walking around comfortable in your own outfit of these magics, really making room for them and allowing them and loving the garments, loving these things. So, all right, people want to learn more about what their magics are, how can they find this out? How can they learn about your work? How can they name their magic and know what to do with it?

Darla LeDoux:                                         

There’s an assessment, a little Sourced magic quiz at-

Ken Page:                                             

Oh, beautiful.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

sourcedexperience.com/quiz. You answer eight or nine questions, and you get a personal report. We type your top magic in the report. Most people are multi-magical. What I believe is breathe in, feel in, trust yourself in your answers, and what pops is what wants to be worked with. So we have more than one.

There’s the ones we honed and the ones we hid because people judge them or they felt too scary for us to have that kind of power or insight, especially at a young age. So you might find one that you think, “That’s not me.” I’ve seen this happen a lot, especially with compassion magic. Then as people feel into it and embrace the magic and the value of it, we have to do the healing of where it was diminished or the reason we hit it in order to step into that.

Ken Page:                                             

Beautiful, yes, yes, yes, yes. Say the URL once again.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Sourced, with a D, experience.com/quiz.

Ken Page:                                             

Beautiful. Of course, it’s going to be on Deeper Dating® podcast in the transcript of this episode. Tell us more about how we can learn about your work and learn from you, and those folks who are transformational leaders, how they can get to work with you.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

I’m on LinkedIn and Instagram. Sourcedexperience.com is the main website. I have a retreat coming up this September called Activate Your Magic. So if you want a place to come and play and be in person with my team and I and experiment with your magic, it’s here in Colorado in September.

Ken Page:                                             

Oh, beautiful. I just want to say, I know a lot of teachers and a lot of transformational leaders. Your capacity for both creation and kindness and goodness and powerful transformation, it’s very rare. It’s very rare and very beautiful to witness.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Thank you, Ken. I’ll receive that.

Ken Page:                                             

Any last thoughts that you want to share for everyone who’s listening and thinking about, “What are my magics?” Any last words you want to share with folks?

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Create space for magic. You have to create space for it. This really can be making a space in your home, a time in your schedule, and being disciplined, devoted. But I want to give you the knowing that for most people, that’s challenging when we’re not in the habit of it.

So I highly recommend putting yourself in a container. I put myself in Ken’s container of the Deeper Dating® Intensive when I knew I needed support to heal my relationship wounding. We need each other. We need support. Make space for it, whether it’s coming to my retreat, getting in Ken’s Intensive, hiring someone who can hold space for you.

Ken, when I was in the process of doing this work, I had done an event. I lost a bunch of money on it because I missed what my magic was saying. I didn’t want to hear it. I was following advice instead of myself. After that, I hired a coach. She sat on the phone with me while I just sat and listened.

This is why I know how to hear my Inner Mentor because I hired a coach who sat with me silently week after week for an hour until I learned to hear because I couldn’t because I was so busy. I was so indoctrinated in doing and sounding good and looking good. I really needed to let go of a lot of that. Don’t be hard on yourself if you struggle to hear or to value it. Just give yourself some space.

Ken Page:                                             

So find a container, a supportive container, give yourself space, be kind to yourself, and discover your magics.

Darla LeDoux:                                         

Thank you, Ken.

Ken Page:                                             

That’s great. Thank you. This is great. I’m so excited to hear from people. You can share with us what your experience is with this. You can reach out to Darla and find out more about her work and learning about your magics. Darla, thank you so much for being here and thank all of you for being here at The Deeper Dating Podcast. Bye all.

 

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