Today is all about the proven, science-backed Emotional Freedom Technique of tapping or EFT. I explain how it can lead you to healthy love. In this episode, I teach you about it, guide you through it, and share how to use tapping to improve your intimacy journey, decrease pain, increase hope, and amplify your inner wisdom.

Listen in to learn what EFT is, how to prepare to do EFT work, and how to apply the stages of tapping to your search for greater love.

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Show Notes:

 

  • What is EFT
  • How does EFT work
  • What to do when you get discouraged while dating
  • How to prepare to do EFT work
  • What are the stages of the EFT process
  • Where are the EFT tapping points

 

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6 month coaching and mentorship intensive with Ken Page

 

A Proven, Science-Backed Method to Lead You to Healthy Love

 

Would you like to learn a powerful research-backed way to transform your search for love and heal your life in the process? Stay tuned to the Deeper Dating Podcast where I’ll teach you a technique that’s research proven to bring hope, resiliency, and wisdom to your new search for love.

Hey everybody. Welcome to the Deeper Dating® Podcast. I’m Ken Page. I’m a psychotherapist, I’m the author of the bestselling book, Deeper Dating, the creator of the Deeper Dating® Intensive and your host on this show. So today I’m really excited to share with you one of the most life-changing practices that I know. It’s something I have done for many years.

And to me the two glorious benefits of it are it dramatically reduces self-criticism and stress and it brings wisdom and insight to whatever challenges you might be facing at the time. It’s called EFT, the Emotional Freedom Technique or tapping, and it’s amazing.

So I’m going to teach it to you. I’m going to guide you through it. And I’m going to lead you through a process which I think will leave you feeling pretty amazing and changed in some deep ways. So I’m very excited to get into that.

But let me just say that in this episode and in every episode, my commitment is to share the greatest tools and insights that I know to help you find beautiful, real love and keep it flourishing and heal your entire life in the process. Because the skills of dating are the skills of intimacy, and those are the greatest skills of all for a rich and meaningful life. And if you want to learn more about the Deeper Dating® path to deeper intimacy, just go to deeperdatingpodcast.com. There you’ll receive free gifts and resources as well as transcripts of every single episode. Okay, so let’s jump in.

 

Watch the episode here:

 

 

The tapping process is one that I learned many years ago and it’s been life-changing for me. It’s gotten me through really hard times in my life, really difficult challenges. It has supported the emergence of a healthier me. It’s something I’ve leaned on and that I use and I look forward to on a regular basis and something I’ve taught many people. In fact, the process that I’m going to guide you through today is one that I use in my Intensives for my Intensive communities, which are small groups of people that I work with very closely over a period of half a year.

And this is a process that I teach them. We’re going to be using this tapping process to help you in your intimacy journey and your dating life. To decrease pain, to increase hope, and to amplify your own inner wisdom. And it really works. So I’m very excited I’m going to share it with you. I’m going to guide you through it.

 

Support and hope are two things that you will experience from doing this fabulous EFT process. Share on X

 

So I just want to say that I think one of the hardest things in dating is the sense of discouragement and hopelessness. “Oh my God, is this going to go on forever? Am I going to keep meeting assholes again and again? Am I going to keep being disappointed and having the rug pulled out from under me, getting my hopes up and then having them crushed or just have nothing happen and go in this space where nothing good is happening in my intimacy life or my search for love?” So these bring up a sense of discouragement. Often we go into this journey with a sense of hope.

 

A Proven, Science-Backed Method to Lead You to Healthy Love

You’re tapping into a greater wisdom that leaves you less isolated and more connected: there’s a warmth in that that’s so healing.

 

An introduction to tapping

 

The author Pearl Buck explained this really beautifully. She was talking about what it’s like to write a book. And she said, “So I’m writing a novel. I start out and it’s like leaving the shore in a beautiful ship on a beautiful morning and I’m just so excited about the journey. Now then at the end, when I’m getting near writing the end of my book and I see the far shore, there’s a sense of hope and excitement. But the middle, where you can’t see where you came from and you can’t see where you’re going can be so difficult.” So what I’m going to teach you is an antidote for that period.

And it’s one that I’ve used during really difficult times in my own life. It’s called tapping or the Emotional Freedom Technique. And it’s very simple, very unintrusive. It just involves tapping on seven body points that correspond to energy meridians used in acupuncture. And there’s a protocol that goes with it, and I’m going to guide you through that whole process.

So those of you that are just listening, please know that on deeperdatingpodcast.com you can find a video of this entire thing so that you can follow along with me and you’ll also get a link to a chart that shows these points. But you don’t need any of that. You can just follow me in this audio. But of course, don’t be driving and find a calm and peaceful place to do this.

But I can’t tell you how much I encourage you to do this. Because I think the two greatest antidotes to this discouragement, this discouragement fatigue, are a sense of connectedness and not being alone. And in some strange way, tapping gives that to you. Because you somehow connect to a space of goodness and wisdom, a kind of wiser version of yourself, and you feel comforted and somehow not so alone. You’re tapping into a greater wisdom that leaves you less isolated and more connected. There’s a warmth in that that’s so healing.

 

The tapping process...has gotten me through really hard times in my life; it has supported the emergence of a healthier me. Share on X

 

And the other thing that helps us with this kind of discouragement is the experience of hope that comes from new insights. You feel stuck and then all of a sudden something opens up, usually through some moment of inspiration which spiritual practice like this creates. That’s what it does in an ongoing way.

But so you get a new insight, “oh, I didn’t understand this or my heart is softening in a different way” or “I’m championing myself in a different way. Something shifts and it brings hope”. So support and hope are two things that I believe you will experience from doing this fabulous process. Okay. And let’s jump in right now. And I just want to encourage all of you to really try this, find a way to find a space where you can go through this with me.

I think you’ll love it. I think you’ll adore it. And I’m very excited for you. The one caveat that I want to say is that although this is a very gentle technique, for example, I use a technique called EMDR, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, which is a technique for working with trauma that works in very powerful ways. But there are side effects to it, which is why you need to do it with a really well-trained clinician. There are much less side effects, it’s a much gentler process to do EFT, although it works powerfully with trauma as well.

 

A Proven, Science-Backed Method to Lead You to Healthy Love

Follow a process you believe in that gives you homework, that gives you tasks, that helps you stretch: we human beings are like rubber bands; if we’re not held out to a bigger space, we revert back to our safe small space.

 

But what I want to say is it could bring up a lot of feelings. So be in a space physically, but also emotionally, where you feel ready for that. This can be a cathartic experience, so be in a physical place where you can allow that for yourself. Also be in an emotional place where you feel like you’re not so raw that you just can’t do this.

And you might want to have, just in case you’re one of those very few people that experience a kind of intense reaction, do this with some kind of support ready for you. But once again, it’s a very gentle process. People teach it all the time. And it’s pretty side effect free, but I just want to give that caveat at the same time.

Okay, dear folks, let us jump in and do this. So I’m going to explain to you the stages of the process first. The first stage is the setup statement where you say something like, “Even though I feel discouraged about dating, I still love and accept myself.” That would be one example. You do that three times.

And then the next stage is the truth telling stage where you say the hard stuff. And this gives you deep leverage to create shift. The more of that you let yourself say, the more of those hard truths you let yourself say, the more the relief comes.

And then the next stage is that as the cortisol level in your brain drops, which it’s clinically proven to do through tapping in many research studies, as the cortisol level in your brain drops, you’ll start to feel more relaxed. You’ll start to feel more peaceful. And you will begin to tap into this innate sense of resilience, which is gorgeous and glorious, and then drops of insight and wisdom will start coming to you.

Now, I’m going to give you a script. I’m going to guide you and you can just follow along with my words. Later as you do this more, you can create your own. But I would say for this time, just try following it with my words. This is a script that I use with all of my Intensive members. This is a script specifically for the dating journey.

Okay, so I’m going to guide you now in this whole process. The first thing I would like you to do is to just imagine right at this moment when you think of dating, what is all the difficulties, the complications, the realities of dating or looking for love or deepening the intimacy in your life? Right at this moment now, what is the disturbance level that you feel?

Don’t worry if it’s not high, don’t worry if it is high. On a scale of 0 to 10, right at this moment in your body and your heart and your mind, what’s the level of disturbance that you’re experiencing on a scale of 0 to 10? Because we’re going to check it again at the end.

 

Tapping through the difficult stuff

 

Okay. So then the next step is what’s called the setup statement. And all of this is very research based, that this is an optimal way to do this process. There’s some tweaks that I’m going to be doing that are my own, but basically this is the research based protocol. So set up statement is – even though, then you describe the challenge. You say something like, “I still love and accept myself.” Or, “I’m learning to love and accept myself.”

So let’s do that now. So you do this at what is called the karate chop point. You just tap right here as you say it. Even though this journey to find love can feel so discouraging, I still love and accept myself. And repeat all of these after me. We do this three times. Even though I can feel so drained and so frustrated, I still love and accept myself. Even though I know that there are ways that I get in the way of finding love and there’s so much growth that I need to do, I still love and accept myself.

 

We use this tapping process to help you in your intimacy journey and your dating life, to decrease pain, to increase hope, and to amplify your own inner wisdom. Share on X

 

Very good. Okay, that was the first stage. Now, the next stage that we’re going to do is I’m going to show you what the tapping points are. There are seven tapping points. I’m going to show them to you. And for those of you that are not able to watch on video or can’t look at that chart, don’t worry about it. I’m going to explain which each one of them is to you.

Okay. So the first point is tapping where your eyebrow meets the bridge of your nose. You could do it with one hand or two. One finger or two. And you just tap there gently, but enough that you can feel it. Okay. So that’s the point where your eyebrows meet the bridge of your nose, the inner origin of your eyebrows. Okay. The next one is the side of your eye, right on the outside of your orbit bone. Again, both sides are fine or you can do one side.

The next point, and do this with me. The next point is under the pupil of your eye, right in the middle of your eye on that orbit bone. Right under your eye and that orbit bone in the middle of your eye. Okay. The next one is under your nose. The next one is under your lower lip. Good. Okay.

Now the next one is if you feel where your collarbone meets and you go about one inch down and one inch out, you tap there. Okay. The next one is about four inches under your armpit. And the final one is the top of your head. You just tap there. Beautiful. These are the points. So now I’m going to say the points and I’m going to ask you to tap along with me. And we’re going to do a script and it’s going to be a script that moves us first through the difficult stuff, the truth-telling phase.

 

A Proven, Science-Backed Method to Lead You to Healthy Love

As the cortisol level in your brain drops, you’ll start to feel more relaxed: you will begin to tap into this innate sense of resilience, which is gorgeous and glorious, and then drops of insight and wisdom will start coming to you.

 

And then moves you into a place where you feel more relaxed, you feel better and there’s both then maybe a sense of hope or direction, but also still some of the negative. And we honor both of those. And then little by little more wisdom and hope comes into the picture. And I would love for folks to write and let me know what you experience with this. Because it’s great stuff.

And if you do it every day, it will bring wisdom to your dating life. It will bring wisdom to your intimacy life. It will make you feel like you are someone that has comfortable ongoing access to rays of wisdom that shift you and up-level you and change you. There are few things more wonderful than having a daily practice. And you can do this in 15 minutes and at some time of day that you really like doing it. Okay. So let’s start right now. You have your number from 0 to 10, and we did the setup, and now we’re going to jump in and do the process.

Okay. Beautiful. So I’m going to start. I’m going to call the first one eyebrow. And that is where your eyebrows meet the bridge of your nose. And I’m going to say things. I’m going to first say where the point is and then I’m going to say a sentence. And I would like you to just tap on that place while you repeat that sentence. Then we’ll move to the next and the next and the next.

And all of you on the podcast episode transcript, you’ll get this exact script that you can use anytime you want to use it. As well as being able to just watch it on the video or just do it through the audio.

 

The tapping process for deeper love

 

Okay. So first, eyebrow. My journey to find love has not been an easy one.

Outer eye. The hurt can be profound.

Under the eye. And repeat after me for each one. The hurt sometimes still is profound. Remember, we’re doing the hard stuff first.

Under the nose. The loneliness, the ache, the sense of hopelessness.

Chin. That sense of hopelessness.

Collarbone. The ghosting.

Under the arm. The people who disappear.

Top of the head. The jerks, the liars, the cheats.

Eyebrow. My own tendencies to push love away.

Outer eye. My own places where I can’t love fully.

Under the eye. My fears.

Under the nose. The coldness of having to get out there and meet strangers.

The chin. The coldness of having to get out there again and again and again.

Collarbone. The feeling like it may never happen for me.

Under the arm. Maybe that’s the worst feeling of all.

Top of the head. I have known all of these pains.

Eyebrow. I know these griefs intimately.

Side of the eye. I know the patterns of pain I’ve been through.

Under the eye. I hold my pain with compassion.

Under the nose. It hurts.

Chin. I don’t have that many answers yet.

Collarbone. I have so many questions.

Under the arm. So many uncertainties.

Top of the head. So many stuck points.

Eyebrow. And I’m allowing space for that.

Side of the eye. I may not be learning as quickly as I want, but I know I’m learning.

Under the eye. I know there’s learning.

Under the nose. I know there’s opening.

The chin. I know there’s fear.

Collarbone. And I know there’s opening.

Under the arm. I know there’s hopelessness.

Top of the head. I also know there’s hope.

Okay. Take a moment and just take a breath in and relax. Just let the blanket out and notice if there’s any difference in feeling. You may be feeling a tiredness, a blankness, a relaxation, some sense of physiological ease beginning to happen. If so, this is the cortisol level in your brain beginning to drop.

Let’s continue with the top of the head. I also know there’s hope.

Eyebrows. What is this hope I feel?

Outer eye. This little ray of hope.

Under the eye. Sometimes a big ray of hope.

Under the nose. What is that?

Chin. What could that hope be?

Collarbone chest area. Part of it is that I am beginning to feel change.

Under the arm. I’m working toward change.

Top of the head. My heart is open to change.

Eyebrow. I am trying.

Side of the eye. I know my Core Gifts in a way I haven’t before.

Under the eye. Maybe I treasure my authenticity in a new way.

Under the nose. Maybe I see my gifts in new ways.

Chin. Maybe I dignify my gifts in new ways.

Collarbone. I don’t know where that’s going to bring me, but I know it’s big.

Under the arm. I’m learning how not to push love away.

Top of the head. I’m learning how not to allow love that’s bad for me.

Eyebrow. I’m learning to date based on treasuring myself.

Side of the eye. And that gives me hope.

Under the eye. I see small shifts or big shifts already.

Under the nose. I know that when I change, things change.

The chin. I know I’m trying to pursue a path of wisdom.

Collarbone. Wisdom and goodness toward myself.

Under the arm. Honoring of myself.

Top of the head. I know I’m learning lessons of intimacy.

Eyebrow. I’m challenging myself.

Side of the eye. And I believe this is leading me closer to healthy love.

Under the eye. How could it not?

Under the nose. Being closer to my soul.

Chin. Leading with my soul.

Collarbone. Only looking for people who honor my soul.

Under the arm. How could that be anything but good?

Top of the head. Combined with bravery.

Eyebrow. Getting out there with deep discrimination.

Side of the eye. Leading with my heart.

Under the eye. It will be a different adventure now.

Under the nose. It will be a different field.

Chin. I’m scared, but I’m also excited.

Collarbone. I’m open to what’s new and good and healthy.

Under the arm. I’m open to the next stages of this adventure.

Top of the head. I’m open to love.

Eyebrows. My beloved out there somewhere.

Side of the eye. I’m open to you.

Under the eye. I welcome you.

Under the nose. I invite you into my life.

Chin. I’m open to you.

Collarbone. I’m open to me and I’m open to you.

Under the arm. My beloved, I invite you into my life.

Top of the head. And there is hope.

Okay. Very good folks. Okay, so take a breath in, exhale and let it go. Notice what you’re feeling. Let’s go back to that scale of 0 to 10, and notice if the numbers have shifted. Notice if you’re feeling differently in your body, if you’re feeling more of a sense of hope, less of a sense of discouragement.

And now you own this process of tapping and with the resources, the video, the resources I’m going to send you, because I’m going to send you some links to people who are researchers and practitioners in powerful ways of this work. And I hope that if this fits for you, that you take it on as a regular practice and take a minute to just think, did this open any doors for you? Were there any new insights that came? Whatever they are, hold them close.

The final thing I want to say is this. These messages are for someone who is on a path of growth and healing. If you are not yet on a path of growth and healing, a kind of systematized process that you believe in and makes sense for you, that’s going to help you deepen into love, not through self-criticism, not through creating a false self, not through telling you you need to be someone you’re not, not through games and gimmicks, but through the magic of your authenticity. If you’re not on a path like that, please look for one.

For me, I’ve spent my professional life building that path and teaching it to people. And there are other wonderful teachers who have their own versions, and you just need to find one that feels right to you. But I deeply encourage every one of you, systematize this, make it real. Follow a process you believe in that gives you homework, that gives you tasks, that helps you stretch. Because we human beings are like rubber bands. If we’re not held out to a bigger space, we revert back to our safe small space. Which is why we need things that hold us out to our greater space of being.

Thank you so much for listening and watching and attempting this. Very excited to hear your feedback. Please let me know. Also, please feel free to subscribe and leave a review so you can get lots more information from me. And you can do that at Deeper Dating Podcast. So thank you all and I will connect with you on the next episode. Have a great day.

 

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