Discover The Power Of The Two Minute Meditation! These tiny meditations will transform your dating life, hone your intuition, and allow Eros to blossom with the right person. Your innate intimacy wisdom is more easily accessible than you know! Discover it right now through these easy-to-learn, powerful-to-use practices.
4 Tiny Meditations That Will Transform Your Dating Life
It can feel so strange to be on a date with someone. In this episode, you’ll learn four micro-meditations that you can do in under a minute that will deepen your sense of safety, presence, and discrimination and make you more available for what could be possible with this person. So stay tuned to this episode of the Deeper Dating Podcast.
Hello everybody and welcome to the Deeper Dating Podcast. I’m Ken Page and I’m a psychotherapist and the author of the bestselling book, Deeper Dating, and today I’m going to share with you just a few micro-meditations – mini processes that even if you’re not a meditator, you could do really quickly and will change the tenor of your dating life.
Every week, I’m going to share with you the greatest tools that I know to help you find love and keep it flourishing, and heal your life in the process because the skills of dating are nothing more than the skills of love. Those are the greatest skills of all for the kind of life that we want. If you’d like to learn more about the deeper dating path to real intimacy, just go to deeperdatingpodcast.com.
If you sign up for my mailing list, you’ll get free gifts, and you’ll learn a lot more about how to use these ideas to transform your own intimacy journey, and there’ll also be a complete transcript of every episode.
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Also, everything that I’m going to share in this podcast is educational in nature. It’s not medical or psychiatric advice or treatment, and if you’re experiencing any serious psychological conditions, please seek professional help. Finally, if you like what you’re hearing here, I would love it if you could subscribe and leave me a review. Those mean so much to me. Thank you for that and let’s jump right in.
I’m very excited to share these micro-meditations with you because they really will change the tenor of your dating life. They will help you get in touch with a deeper sense of personal wisdom and power and discrimination, and we all need those things deeply if we’re looking for love. Well, we all just need those things deeply, period.
These micro-meditations are for anybody and you don’t need to be a meditator. In fact, in some ways, they worked so quickly, you could do them so quickly that they don’t have time to activate the fears that come up, the questions, the doubts, the insecurities, the laundry lists, all the stuff that can get in the way in longer meditations.
They’re so quick and so instant, and they shift you in really important ways. They bypass a lot of the obstacles that happen for long term meditators, and I am a long term meditator. I love and adore meditating. I believe in it. It’s been an important part of my life for almost half a century. I’m a big meditator, but I’m a bad meditator. I’m a sloppy meditator.
Tiny Meditations You Can Try
I adore these micro-meditations, and these are micro-meditations that you can do before a date and on a date, and I think you’ll love them. I’m going to actually lead you in them as we do this or just at least describe to you how they’re done and you could do them yourself if you like or not, but there’ll be tools for your wiser toolkit of finding love.
Okay, so the first is to set an intention. This is one I’ve talked about before and it’s really simple. What you do is before a date, even you can do this before you go to a party, an event, before you call someone who maybe you’re developing some interest in, before you go online. You can do it at all these different times and it’s simply this. It’s to think about what’s your cutting edge of growth in your dating life? Maybe it’s being a little more open. Maybe it’s being a little looser and having more fun. Maybe it’s being more discriminating. Maybe it’s being braver. Maybe it’s in terms of stretching who you’re going to reach out to.
Whatever it is, you just take a minute and think like what’s your cutting growth edge? Then before engaging in whatever it is, you think of that, you picture yourself doing it, you honor yourself for that process, and then you go into the event or the experience with that as your intention. Then no matter what else happens, you judge your success by your ability to be this deeper, wiser self, and to follow through on this intention in your date.
Secrets of Tiny Meditations
Whatever happens with this person, you’ve got your intention. Let’s take a minute and think about this right now. One of the secrets of micro-meditations is the truth is, as we talked about in the last podcast, we have easier access to our wisdom and our depth and our flashes of insight than we normally realize.
We don’t have to look outside ourselves as much as we often think that we do.
Now I’d just like you to take a minute and think for you, these days, what feels like a growing edge for you in your intimacy life or your dating life? Take a minute to think about that, and if you want, you could even pause the podcast to do this, but I’m going to give you a moment to do it now.
Good. Well, whatever that intention is, what I want to invite you to do is a tiny micro-meditation, and we’re going to do it right now. Picture that you’ve got your intention and you’re going to your next thing, whatever it is. Maybe it’s a date, maybe it’s a party, maybe it’s the next time you pop online or go to your app, but think of what the intention is.
Think of it right now. Honor it because it’s the growing you, and every step you take, really truly, toward that growing you will move you quicker and more closely to the person you’re looking for. It’s really, really true how that happens. Picture yourself living that intention. Now, just imagine it. Just imagine you being that you that can live this intention, how that would feel.
Realizing Your Intentions Through Tiny Meditations
How you’d feel after having done it and what the connection would be like with yourself. If you were able to do that, and just take a moment and take pleasure in that, and that’s the micro-meditation. It is just setting an intention and then when you go to that event, you take a moment and you remember that feeling.
You will hold it to your heart, and then you move in and you let that be your intention. That’s one, I think, very, very sweet micro-meditation. Now here’s another one that I really love. This is you’re there, you’re on the date, you’re on the date, and it’s what I call dropping down.
Here’s what happens. You’re on a date, and I’ve talked about this too, but see, you’re on a date, and what’s going to happen if you’re anything like most of us is your head is going to spin with evaluations. How good does this person look to me? How does this person’s resume look to me?
Are they too tall? Are they too short? Am I attracted to them? Is there some kind of creepy, weird thing that is going to come out that’s going to really bother me? Am I attractive enough for this person? Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. That kind of evaluative chatter that none of us can help or most of us can’t help.
I in the past was never able to help that on a date. So that goes on and on and it’s all about am I good enough, is the other person good enough, and all of this evaluative stuff. I used to picture a little man inside me with an abacus counting on both sides about the other person and about me.
What the Weather Is Like Inside of You
That is just going to happen, but whatever the things are your head is telling you which really are going to be about how this person weighs out and how you weigh out, those are the things your head is going to be doing, but your gut, your deep insides, is going to have new and different information. If you drop down into your heart, into your gut, maybe you’ll need to step away for a moment.
Maybe you’ll need to say you need to use the restroom. Maybe you can just do it on your own without having to get away. I know for me, a bathroom break was perfect for me when I did this to help me drop down into where I was feeling without the other person being right there.
You drop down into what you’re feeling, what the weather is like inside you, what the chemistry of the connection is like, and what your feeling is like toward this person. When you do that, you can ask yourself this question that to me is a very central question. We’ll talk about this a little bit more. It’s this question, does my soul feels safe with this person?
Now you won’t know the person that well yet, and God knows you won’t know for sure, but you’ll be able to notice the kind of climate inside. Maybe your head is telling you this person’s really, really attractive and I really like them. But when you drop down, you’ll say, “Oh, this way that I’m feeling like I have to prove myself” or, “there’s a coldness in the air that I’m trying to make up for with warmth.”
Testing the Weather
You will notice that richer timbre, that deeper layer of what the weather is like with this person, what the chemistry is like and what kind of ways it feels to be in this person’s presence. When you know that, it will tell you a lot. I’ll just share a story with you.
There was somebody who I… This was a long, long, long time ago and this is the days that we did like the phone lines to meet up. On these phone lines where you would meet all these different people. It’s very much like swipe right, swipe left, but instead, you just pressed a phone key and moved on to the next person. There was someone I met and I thought he was amazing. I loved his voice. He really liked me.
We connected, we connected. We talked for a really long time. We’d have these really long phone dates talking, and it went on for such a long time, and then we decided that we were actually going to meet. It felt like a big deal because as can happen, we felt super, super connected at that point. I remember going to this cafe to meet him and he described what he looked like correctly, but put all together, he was completely not someone I was interested in. Not to mention that he was wearing really strong Elizabeth Taylor for Men cologne and had a giant gold chain.
I was so disappointed. I felt like, “Oh no, this can’t be. I’m so disappointed. We had so much.” I was very mad at myself for having waited this long to have this moment of truth happen. I said, I better do this dropdown exercise and I said I needed to use the bathroom.
Mini Revelations Gathered From Tiny Meditations
I went to the bathroom and I stood there, and I closed my eyes and I dropped down to what I was feeling. I was stunned to realize that I actually felt really warm and a sense of gratitude and a sense of liking this person.
Now this was a complete shock. It was a mini revelation, but the act of dropping down gave me that surprise information, and I came back and we had a wonderful conversation. We laughed, we connected, and we dated for a while. It didn’t end up working out for different reasons, but that experience and the ones that came after that that were similar changed my life and changed my understanding, and led me to this micro-meditation.
I’d love you to try this the next time you’re on a date. You notice what your head is telling you, but then you drop down into the feelings.
The next one that I just talked about for a moment already, but I want to talk a little bit more about is this fabulous question that you can ask on a date, which is, “Does my soul feel safe with this person?” Now the caveats there that are really clear. First, your soul might not feel safe just because you don’t feel safe.
Maybe there has been trauma, maybe there’s been fear, maybe there’s disappointment. Also, you don’t really know this person yet. Also, your soul could feel totally safe with someone who might become a friend, but that doesn’t mean you have to want to have a romantic relationship with them and I tell people this all the time.
A Glorious Thing to Do
It’s just so important to know you are not obligated to be in love or attracted to someone just because they’re good for you.
Those are all some of the reasons why you might be wondering about this question. Maybe you don’t like the word soul, and then you could just use the word heart, but let me tell you why, given the reality of all those caveats, it’s a glorious thing to do.
I’ve talked about this before and I’ll be talking about it again, but the biggest reason is you will be honoring your tender self. You’ll be honoring the inner petals of your being, where your core gifts lie, where your deepest authenticity lies, and in that zone is where the language of your true romance place can speak and can catch on fire, and become alive or instead, be doused.
It’s really the deep language of your heart that you are touching when you decide that your emotional safety really, really counts. When you make that the question, you will notice a lot. You will notice more easily a person’s tendencies towards superiority, toward distance, toward judgment.
You will notice even more qualities of generosity, warmth, stability, and it will shift your focus, but we are not taught to do this. We’re taught you just look for someone you’re attracted to and they’re attracted to you and the pieces match up in terms of what you’re looking for, and then you hope and pray and watch to see if they are a good person.
Creating a Bond Between You and Your Authentic Self
This is a different approach and it works so much more effectively. It changes who you are and it rewires you, and it actually begins to heal wounds around your attachment style. Because what you’re doing is creating a bond between you and your most authentic self, your most vulnerable self, your most true self, where that part of you says, “Oh, I’m being listened to, I’m being protected, I am being respected.”
When our deep inner self feels that, we are empowered, we are present and we are more available. I’d like you to try this micro-meditation and we could even try it right now. You could just think of somebody that maybe you’re dating or you’re interested in dating, but you’ve had conversations with.
Think about this person and just take a minute to drop down into the feelings, the kind of weather inside that happens in the chemistry when you both are together. Not just when you’re thinking about them because when we’re thinking about them, afterwards, there’s going to be an overlay of our projections. When you’re in their presence, what’s the weather like? What’s the internal experience?
Ask yourself just at this point, does my soul feel safe when I’m with this person by the way that they are and by the quality of the connection? Just try that now and see what comes up and what you notice. Good. Good. What did you notice?
Tapping Into Our Deeper Wisdom Through Tiny Meditations
Just take a moment to think about that. And I imagine that your intuition sparked, and you learned some really good things that you will follow through on seeing how they play out in the relationship, but you have tapped into your deeper authenticity and you have turned up the volume of your richer, deeper, most intimate self in this situation, and that is a great thing to do that will change your future.
All of these things that we’re not taught about tapping into our deeper wisdom and discrimination. We’re taught so many things about how we have to make ourselves more attractive, how we have to be able to attract people in a different way, how we have to do this and we have to do that, but how many lessons are there in tapping into our deeper wisdom, which feels so good to tap into. It’s such a sense of there really is a journey here, and it’s a wisdom journey that I can follow and that validates who I am.
Okay, so now we’re going to get to the last micro-meditation, and this is one that I only encourage you to do if your answers to what it feels like to drop down are positive. When you feel that in some way there’s a sense of safety and solidity with this person. When you feel that, and I always just say these reminders, which is that if you are intoxicated, you won’t know. You won’t be able to do this. If you or the person you’re with has a substance abuse problem, there will be an essential non-safety in the relationship.
Allowing the Winds of Arrows to Happen
Apart from those things, if you have this gut feeling like, oh, this is good, this person feels solid, they feel stable, they feel warm, there’s some sense of safety as I get to know them. If you feel that then you can practice this next micro-meditation. If you don’t feel that sense of safety, I encourage you to wait with this one, but it’s allowing the winds of Eros to happen.
You’re with somebody, you have a good feeling about them. Somewhere inside you, and there’s some attraction. If there’s no attraction, you can’t do this and that’s fine, but there’s some attraction. While you’re talking to them, you allow those waves of Eros to wash over you and maybe they say you want to rest your hand on the person’s hand.
You may do that. You may not do that, but you can have the fantasy or maybe other fantasies come up. You don’t want to get lost in them because you want to stay present in the moment. But you can allow the wash of Eros to color the interchange, which is a beautiful and exciting thing. It’s a tool and it’s a technique that if this is a good match, you’ll be using to deepen sexual and romantic attraction again and again through the course of your connection.
There’s a way that we can actually be inside that stream of Eros and allow it to happen. Picture right now being on a date with someone. There’s some kind of physical attraction. There’s a sense of safety and goodness in the person and in your connection with this person.
Allowing the Sweet Eros to Color Your Feelings
Then you gently allow this wash of Eros to color your feelings, your connection with this person, and you just allow that sweet Eros to color things. It’s a volume dial that we have some control over. Just picture doing that and how lovely that feels, and that’s another tiny dating micro-meditation that you can do.
Now if you are wrestling with issues of sexual compulsion, this is one to be careful with and one to get support around because you don’t want this to lead into getting sexual before it’s time to get sexual in the dating relationship. Because as I always say, sex too early is like miracle grow for our fear of intimacy.
One party or the other, or both, are either going to want to flee or are going to start getting insecure, or needing, or longing in a way that doesn’t necessarily fit the stage of the relationship. Be aware of those things in practicing that last micro-meditation, but when you practice these micro-meditations, you will have a felt sense of your wisdom, a felt sense of your growth, a felt sense of your capacity to make really good choices in this arena and those things feel great.
Share Your Insights About Tiny Meditations
I encourage you to try all of them, and then you can go to deeperdatingpodcast.com and you can press ask Ken and you can tell us, tell the community, what your experience was like with these micro-meditations. Thank you so much for joining me in this episode of the Deeper Dating Podcast.
Please if you like what you heard here, leave a review, subscribe. That’s a tremendous gift. It was wonderful to get to share these ideas with you, and I look forward to seeing you on the next episode of the Deeper Dating Podcast.
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